Monday, November 5, 2012

Another 25 Cynical Reasons to Vote for Barack Obama

My first 25 cynical reasons to vote for Barack Obama in 2008 worked out well. I had my taxes cut by 30% (#2). Cindy and John got their leisurely retirement (#6) as there has been nothing going on in the U.S. Senate. The iocane powder trick (#18) is still awaiting deployment against Iran. Here are 25 even more cynical reasons to vote for Barack Obama in 2012:

(1) For limited government and putting America first, a do-nothing socialist is better than a can-do empire builder.

(2) Katy Perry looks better than Kid Rock in a skintight bodysuit. Forward!

(3) Depriving Bill Clinton the honor of being the only Democrat reelected President since World War II is the best revenge. Vote for revenge.

(4) The magic underpants refrain Chris Matthews has planned to prattle on and on about for the duration of the Romney Presidency will fit just as well on Harry Reid.

(5) Malia Obama will turn 18 on July 4, 2016. Keeping Malia in the White House could be more fun than the Bush twins.

(6) Have you seen the resumes or checked the references of the 12 million people Mitt Romney wants you to hire?

(7) With a father from Mexico and a wife whose family came to the U.S. through Canada, Mitt Romney’s secret plan to forge a North American Union will be thwarted.

(8) Mitt’s charge of currency manipulation by China is our 25% off sale. What’s the list price for one of those new Jeeps made in China?

(9) Vladimir Putin will be surprised to find out what Barack Obama really meant by having more flexibility after the election, flexing his driver even more on the golf course.

(10) Why cut Medicare just for those under age 55? Hey, I’m under age 55. Obamacare cutting $716 billion from Medicare over the next decade is a good start toward having something left.

(11) Mitt’s tax plan proposes an expansion of the 47% by exempting interest, dividends, and capital gains for non-job-creating couch potatoes sitting on up to $10 million in stock and bond inheritances.

(12) We know U.S. House Speaker John Boehner won’t give Barack Obama a dime in tax increases, but under the ruse of tax reform he might raise taxes for Mitt Romney.

(13) Without President Obama, U.S. Senator for Massachusetts Scott Brown will have no one to bipartisanship with.

(14) A reelected President Barack Obama will send Vice President Joe Biden to Benghazi on the next apology tour. I don’t know what that means, I just read it on the internet.

(15) Come to find out, Mitt Romney wrote the blueprint for the auto bailout as well as for Obamacare.

(16) Mitt Romney failed to answer correctly Clint Eastwood’s question, if we are going to set a target date for withdrawal, why not bring them home tomorrow morning? If you can't bring yourself to vote for Obama, write in Eastwood.

(17) Lutherans don’t let other Lutherans vote Republican.

(18) John McCain sent me $1 during the 2008 campaign, so surely the Koch brothers could have sent me $50. I’m willing to let them buy the election, just not so cheap.

(19) If Barack Obama loses, the mainstream media will accuse you of racism, but if Obama wins, you can remain racist in peace.

(20) Obama will win anyway, and you want to able to pass the life detector test on who you voted for at the gulag reeducation camp.

(21) The Tea Party free zone that Mitt Romney created will dissipate after Obama is reelected. I miss the entertainment provided by Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck.

(22) Rachel Maddow will be able to pursue her equal pay claim against MSNBC, as will Erin Burnett against CNN.

(23) Mitt Romney is such a flip-flopper he can’t be trusted to keep his promise to kill Big Bird. Turns out Big Bird was listed in his binders full of women.

(24) Gallup says a full 22% of LGBT voters support Romney, and those are the ones who want to get married.

(25) Sure, Barack may run the debt up to $20 trillion, but on his last day in office he can produce his Kenyan birth certificate and all those IOUs are rendered invalid since he was never legally President.

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