Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The Inviolable Jill Kelley

Jill Kelley's business card reads:
Social Liaison, Unpaid, Tampa
So far Jill has ruined the careers of two four-star generals, one the CIA Director and the other the top U.S. commander in Afghanistan, a lieutenant colonel, an FBI agent, and very likely a South Korean diplomat.

The one I feel sorry for is the hapless FBI agent. As a favor to the foxy brunette with the twin sister he initiated an FBI cyberstalker investigation. In the course of said investigation his colleagues found that he had previously sent said foxy brunette pictures of himself shirtless.

A 911 call Jill made Sunday to get rid of the reporters camped out at her house exposed the South Korean connection:
"I'm an honorary consul general, so I have inviolability, so they should not be able to cross my property. I don’t know if you want to get diplomatic protection involved as well, because that’s against the law to cross my property because, you know, it's inviolable."
Jill has been driving her Mercedes around Tampa with license places that say "Honorary Consul" and no doubt exercising her inviolability to park in handicap spaces and in front of fire hydrants. That was courtesy of some yet-to-be-named South Korean official.

The South Korean government had this to say:
"She will be relieved from the symbolic post if she is found to be problematic."
And you know that word "if" is just being diplomatic.

Personally, I blame Hollywood. Jill is just playing the Julia Roberts character in Charlie Wilson's War, the slutty Houston socialite with an honorary ambassadorship intent on world domination. Jill just moved the location from Houston to Tampa.

Update: The shirtless FBI agent has been identified as a Frederick W. Humphries II. The New York Times has posted this curiosity:
"On Wednesday afternoon, a man standing in the driveway of Mr. Humphries's home who appeared to be him said, in response to questions from a reporter for The New York Times, that his first name was not Fred. The man then walked into the house, closed the front door and did not respond to the door bell's being rung several times."
Even I could tell you that men named Frederick W. Humphries II do not answer to Fred. Humphries does have something the usual Frederick W. Humphries II would not have, a union rep. Lawrence Berger, the general counsel for the Federal Law Enforcement Officers Association has taken up Humphries defense.


buddeshepherd said...

Well you certainly nailed that one! Was thinking along the same lines, perhaps she was watching too much Downton Abbey... Oh, wait, that was me... off topic again. Sorry!

buddeshepherd said...

And furthermore... We have all these theories that the CIA is doing this and that and it is a set up and there is a sinister Obama connection but instead of feeling need for a tinfoil hat, I sort of just want to hide my blue passport and apologize to the few immigrants I do know. It is just pathetic. I think we are fast becoming a global joke.

Left Bank of the Charles said...

Yes, I fully sympathize with the old Earl of Grantham who doesn't want to sell off parts of the Crawley family estate to pay back his wife's dowry, even though that means leaving his eldest and not especially deserving daughter Mary with no inheritance.

buddeshepherd said...

Ok, so we don't have cable or satellite TV...And we like costume dramas...
Actually, I find the whole thing quite amusing. Especially in light of the modern welfare state. Nothing like the good old days when you knew your place...
I like the staff.
Free Bates!
So would you call him Mr. or Master?