Wednesday, July 24, 2013

His Royal Highness Prince George of Some Other Cambridge

This means war! Well, maybe not war but the end of the special relationship between the United Kingdom and the United States of America.

George may be a perfectly respectful English name that conjures up images of slaying dragons and one of the crosses on the national flag. It's a better name than Arthur, which some were laying book on, but which would have been quite silly as King Arthur. Would that be King Arthur I or King Arthur II?

But the name George is an affront, and not because the royal baby has been named after George Zimmerman, although that is sure to become an internet meme and conspiracy theory in its own right. And not because the poor kid, like his parents, has been given a title of some rotten English borough which is too easily confused with an unconstitutional claim of title over our fair city Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Let's run down just how anti-American the name King George will be:

George III was king at the time of the American revolution, the certifiably crazy despot to whom the Declaration of Independence was addressed.

George IV served as Prince Regent during the War of 1812, during which the British burned our capital.

George V was the king who let his country and then ours be drug into World War I, which would have been best to stay out of. There is no Lenin, Stalin, Hitler, or Mao without it.

George VI became king after the English people decided that an American, Wallis Simpson, was not fit to become the Queen of England, forcing the rightful King Edward VIII to abdicate. Then George VI sat by while his ministers did that appeasement bit until Winston Churchill came along and saved the country's reputation.

George, in the kindest possible words, is just bad luck, at least from the American perspective. George VII may finally bring good luck to the name, but I wouldn't count on it. Fortunately, the little tyke does have a way out as kings are allowed to pick the name they will rule under when they are crowned. As he was given the names George Alexander Louis, he could also go with Alexander I or Louis I. It's good to be the King, even better to be a I.

In the meantime, Boy George will be hard to live down on the playground. There is also the inevitable comparison to George from Seinfeld, played by Jason Alexander. I can hear Jerry Seinfeld pronouncing, "these aren't special people." This royal birth is fast becoming a Festivus celebration. You've heard my airing of grievances. Certainly, after hours and hours of labor, you have to credit mother Catherine with a feat of strength.

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