Monday, August 13, 2012

Olympic Observations on the 2012 London Games

(1) Team USA won and China lost. The U.S. won 46 gold medals and 104 total medals, while China won 38 gold and 87 total. Congratulations.

(2) The host nation of Great Britain won a very respectable 29 gold medals for third place. Russia had fewer gold medals, but more total medals. However, 47 gold medals and 144 total medals were won for Queen Elizabeth II counting all the medals won by Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Jamaica, and the Bahamas where she is also the monarch.

(3) Palestine had 5 athletes competing and won no medals on the 40th anniversary of the Munich Games, proving there is some justice in the world.

(4) The Opening Ceremonies were magical. The highlight of the Closing Ceremonies, on the other hand, was Eric Idle singing "Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it."

(5) Speaking of pieces of shit, Bob Costas should get to eat his for announcing the result of the Canada-USA women's soccer match on the regular NBC channel just before the game was to be rebroadcast on the NBC soccer channel.

(6) The most famous badminton games ever played are those that the pairs from South Korea, China and Indonesia were disqualified from for intentionally trying to lose in order to face weaker opponents in the next rounds of the tournament.

(7) If women's beach volleyball can be played in nothing but a bra and panties, all women's sports can be played in a bra and panties. It's a classic race to the bottom. Dig?

(8) The USA women's water polo team proved that even the bra and panties can be dispensed with in the deep end of the pool.

(9) There is no makeup or jewelry in the pool, and no offense to Aly Raisman or Gabby Douglas, that is why Missy Franklin, wet hair and all, is America's sweetheart.

(10) Usain Bolt of Jamaica might just have the perfect name for the world's fastest man at 100m and 200m. It's just insane how fast he bolts down the track. No offense to the great swimmer Michael Phelps, but there are no medals for 100m running backwards or 200m skipping.

No comments: